Motivation

I often find myself sitting or lying around, waiting for something significant to happen so that I can get a surge of motivation to actually get up and do something. We've probably all had that due to quarantine, and right now even, as we endlessly and patiently wait out the days to see the cases drop and virus fade away. 

This year, I've found myself much less motivated to get started on things because I think that I'm also a bit fearful of what lies next. I try to imagine seeing myself doing the future things I have to accomplish to get motivated, but I end up focusing on the negative outcomes that could happen and dread the idea of getting started on my tasks. What happens is, I procrastinate but until a point I know my task won't magically disappear, forcing me to take action.

Seeing how Vladimir and Estragon kind of see Godot as their guide, it honestly reminded me a bit of that fate vs. free will debate we had long ago. It's definitely not the same situation as Oedipus Rex, but I thought about how both Vladimir and Estragon leave their lives up to fate, or Godot, instead of taking control of their lives and trying to get past this stopping point they are at. 

For me, I can feel motivated out of fear and worry of not getting things done on time and also by simply having the drive to get everything on my to-do list done. It would always be nice to just have everything already laid out for me so that I can rely on that instead of having to willingly take careful steps towards my future. But relying on fate to decide my life is also stressful since I never actually know what's coming my way.

No matter how much I wish for luck to come my way or for fate to listen to my wishes, I still have to govern myself and figure out the directions I want to walk towards because that gives me more hope than simply wishing for it. Changing is scary because it leads to a more unpredictable future, but in hindsight, the once worrisome encounters that have been long overcome give long-lasting and meaningful experiences.